Hi, how are you doing?

It’s refreshingly damp in Cardiff this morning. I love the sun but today the cool air and everything glistening green feels welcome.

I woke around 6am – I wish it was later cos my sleep-debt is weighing me down but at least there was sleep to wake up from, having brought in the big guns last night – double antihistamines and double cocodamol – not ideal but what am I to do?

Actually, what I need to do – above anything I think – is institute a serious daily routine. It would help rewire my brain into knowing what to expect and when. Like say it’s night, go to sleep.

So why am I struggling to do it?

The brilliant Jessica McCabe on her YouTube Channel – How to ADHD – talks about trying to make changes just one degree at a time. I can’t for the life of me remember which specific video it was – but I watched it yesterday and it was a good reminder that changing habits is a process that takes persistence and that trying to change everything at once is not sustainable.

Why do I not learn this? I have a ‘good day’ (thanks to some actual restorative sleep the night before) and try to catch up all I have had to shelf due to Chronic Fatigue, get excited about being productive, get overstimulated, and then don’t sleep again that night. And then I’m back to square one. Again.

Ideally, I’d work on one thing at a time, keep doing it until I can assess whether it’s working. Only then should I move on to the next. What I tend to do instead is invest many happily-hyper-focused hours into creating a new system that might ‘fix’ my wayward brain, only to abandon or forget about it soon after, without really having given it a chance to work.

No wonder I’m exhausted.

By the way, the picture above of an axolotl has absolutely nothing to do with this post – I just really love it.

I’m in a mischievous mood. I feel wrecked but felt compelled to come straight upstairs and write a blog after my breakfast.

Need a lie down now.

Have a script meeting with my sister later.

Must rest first.

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